Marriage and Family in America

In this post, I'll just be going over some general information about the family in America.
As humans, we are social creatures and have a great need to be around people that care for us. A family is a perfect place to fulfill our needs to be connected and loved. There are so many wonderful things about the family and what it can do for us psychologically and socially. "Family" is something that is understood by everyone -- we all have a definition for it and know what being part of a family entails. However, there are some popular myths about family life that I would like to put to rest. First off, we have not lost the extended family. We are still connected to the other generations in our family, and the percentage of families that have in multigenerational homes rose to 16.1 since 2008 after it dropped for a while. Also, opposites don't attract. We're more likely to marry someone with our same values, beliefs, lifestyles, and background, and that marriage is more likely to be a successful marriage. But I'm not saying there aren't exceptions. This is just a general statement. Also, people don't get married because they love each other. Yes, this is a factor, but there are a lot of other factors as well that we either consciously or subconsciously take into consideration. Another myth (that I hear especially a lot) is happily married people don't have conflict. This is simply not true. The "happily ever after" that we think about is not realistic because there will be varying amounts of disagreements and differences. My parents are happily married, but they still argue over things sometimes. Am I to assume they don't love each other and that they aren't happily married? Of course not. Don't be led astray by this prevalent myth. Myths such as these can set unrealistic expectations, ruin good relationships, and make us unhappy in the long run in general. So it's important to seek out the truth for yourself. There are many other myths that are just as dangerous, but I'll move onto my next topic.
I've talked about myths, and now I'll talk about some facts. There have been ten social trends of the family that has taken root recently. Cohabiting, childbearing age, premarital sex, the age of marriage, living alone, and working moms are all trends that have increased in numbers in the last little while. Meanwhile, fertility rates have gone down. Also, divorce rates have been steady after they increased in number for a while. Some of these trends are negatively affecting the family system. The family is such an important topic. There are so many benefits and strengths to marriages and families. I encourage you to find ways to strengthen your own families and recognize the wonderful things about them.
The book Marriage and Family by Robert H. Lauer has many great insights about family if you are interested.

Gender and Family Life

Gender has been a hot topic recently. Everything from traditional gender roles and transgender identities have been addressed and debated over. But why?
To start out, gender is your sex -- whether or not you can draw your name in the snow, to put it bluntly. Recently, it's been changed to "the state of being male or female (typically used with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones)." I want to focus on what was said in the parenthesis. In sociology, there are two terms, ascribed status and achieved status. Ascribed status is the status that you are born with, such as race, ethnicity, and gender. Achieved status is the status that you... well, achieve. Examples of this term are student, parent, doctor, and so on. However, gender is being viewed more as an achieved status rather than an ascribed status now. Gender is now something that is chosen by the individual, and then developed. There is evidence, though, that gender is something that cannot be chosen. The brains of males and females are different, and thus, gender cannot be flip-flopped by surgeries or pills. This is a super touchy topic, and this fact is not popular in today's society. There is a video, and I'll include the link, that addresses the issues of gender and explains the science much better than I do.
http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=18&EndCue=2839&VideoName=5687_vcs&VideoType=libraryvideos

This video also talks about the issue of gender differences. I love the claim in the video that states (along these lines) equality is not being the same. Males and females are very different. Our brain structures are different, but why is this scientific finding viewed as bad and offensive? With the feminist movement going on, the concept of women being equal with men has been warped with being the same. We are not the same. Women have more white matter in their brains, and men have more gray matter in their brain. That means women have more connective tissues, and thus can communicate faster and focus on many things at once. Women generally also focus more on relationships, verbal/non-verbal communications, and appearance. They are also generally more detailed-oriented. Males are more active, aggressive, protective, and have more spacial orientation.

There are differences in the brain, and there is also differences in body structure. Men are, on average, have twice as much upper-body strength than women. They are naturally built to be stronger and bigger than women. This fact has caused some issues, especially when it comes to career, and tensions are continuously building.

Instead of focusing on the bad things about each gender, just honor everyone, and who they are designed to be. Who we are is a result of evolution, the differences -- and similarities we have are meant to help us, the children that we raise, and the people that we make contact with. I encourage you to watch the video that I posted in the link above -- whether or not you agree with me.

Culture and Family

Every family has their own culture because not everyone's family is the same. Each family has values, beliefs, traditions, hobbies, roles, and personalities that differ from the next. We usually don't think about families as having their own culture. Instead, we mainly apply that term to countries and societies. However, culture is defined in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as "the beliefs, customs, arts... way of life... way of thinking, behaving, or working that exists in a place or organization." The home can be seen as a small society/organization, comprised of family members, and it's important to ask ourselves what culture we want to create within our families. What values and beliefs do we want our family to have? What traditions and hobbies do we want to include? What roles do each family member have? The home is the place where children are taught and molded into who they are, so the culture we create within our families is very important.

Talking about roles, ones of my dad's many roles in the family is the jokester. He barely asked me, "What do you call an aligator in a vest?" I, having the role of the smart one (hehe) did not hezitate to reply "AN INVESTIGATOR!" I just had to add the joke, because it does show a little bit of my family culture. Cultures, although, are not just influenced by internal forces, but external forces as well. Class is a major part of culture, and the class that you are born into can affect your beliefs and how you act. There were some videos that I watched on YouTube in my Family Relations class called "Tammy's Story," "How to Marry the Rich," and  "Trouble in Paradise." These video gives great insight into the class system in America and how it can affect who we are and others around us. I won't go into it in this blog post, but I encourage you to watch it. I also encourage you to identify elements of your culture in your family and see just how unique your family is.

Marriage and Family Intro

The family is the most important thing in the world. As Will Durant stated, "[It] is the nucleus of civilization." And this could not be more true. It is within families that children learn, grow, and develop. Families provide the support and guidance a child needs as he or she goes throughout life and all its twists and turns. Parents play a vital role in their children's lives; they are the role models, teachers, and caretakers of the next generation. Recently, the family has come under attack, and fewer people are realizing the importance and of having a family and children. Going along with the previous quote, The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, "We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets." The family is a fundamental part of society -- but also, on a more personal note, it's fundamental to a child's life.
I am blessed to have two wonderful parents, two lovable siblings (well, most of the time), and a large extended family. We are all very close, and we have -- and always will be -- there for each other. I am especially close to my mother, and with Mother's day being tomorrow, I feel it is appropriate to talk a little bit about her and the huge role she plays in my life. According to the System Theory discussed in my Family Relation's class, the family is made up of systems and subsystems: each person has their role in the family. And it's how these systems work and interact that can create a successful family. It's true when people say that a mother does a work of twenty for free. She has so many roles to fulfill, and one of them is being the glue for our family. She brings and holds us together, and makes us stronger as a whole. I'm constantly learning from my mother, and I am incredibly grateful for her example to me and my siblings. Today, we went to a painting class together and painted peacocks. It was such a fun girl's night and funny memories were created as we tried our best to make our peacocks look more like peacocks and not dinosaurs. And while we were there, I kept thinking about how important moms are in a child's life and the influence they have. So not only was tonight fun, but it also gave me a greater love and appreciation for my mom. Just like how families are the nucleus of civilization, moms (and dads) are the nucleus of the family.