Communication in the Family

Hallo

Ciao

Përshëndetje

We communicate every day. We communicate with family, coworkers, friends, classmates, strangers, neighbors, and so on. It’s a huge thing and it is especially important in every marriage and family. You probably were able to guess what the first two words meant, or maybe you already knew them. However, you most likely didn’t know what the last word meant and had to infer its definition from the other two words. Even though this was just a simple exercise using the word “hello” in different language, it shows the importance of understanding and communicating.

There is a whole process to communication. First, there is a thought or a feeling. This is followed by your brain encoding the thoughts and feelings. This is where your mother’s voice comes to the back of your head saying “Think about what you are going to say before you are going to say it.” This is followed by mediums/media, including body language, eye contact, tone, gestures, your words in a text message, and more. The person you are communicating with then decodes the information – much like how a computer decodes information – and this is followed by them creating their own thoughts and feelings. This is a simplified version of what happens in communication, and I think all of us would like to read minds so we can avoid the awkwardness or tension of miscommunication.

Interestingly enough, a lot of miscommunication doesn’t come from what we say, but how we say it and what we do while we are saying it. Words only count for 14% of communication, while tone counts for 35% and nonverbal cues count for 51%. This is a major reason why a lot of problems arise while communicating.

Further communication problems come from the fact that women and men communicate very differently. My grandma told me of this a few years ago along with a story when her and my grandpa were driving home together from their cabin towards the start of their marriage. My grandma drops the hint that she’s thirsty as they near a gas station. (Women are hint droppers.) My grandpa, misinterpreting this information, decodes the message as her saying that she wants to get home faster so she can get a drink. Although trivial in this situation, the two different ways of thinking can turn up in any situation and cause many problems.

So, be patient with one another. Communication is a life-long learning process. Work on it together and be transparent as you can so you are always trying to stay on the same page. It won’t be perfect, but be patient with whom you are communicating, and also yourself. You are creating a culture when you marry someone and starting a family. Each culture has their own language, slang, and different forms of mediums/media. And this holds true for families: you create your own form of communication.

To quote Dan Oswald, “Communication must be HOT. That’s Honest, Open, and Two-way.” Communication is vital in everyday life, so learning to communicate effectively won’t only help you but others around you. It makes life easier when you understand those around you, and they understand you – and not when you are not speaking (or hearing) what seems like a foreign language.

Au Revoir