Transitions in Marriage

Now, let’s talk a little about transitioning into marriage. 

Many studies have shown that marriage is better than cohabitating. People who cohabitate are three times more likely to divorce once they get married. This goes against the widespread belief that cohabiting before marriage will make the marriage more successful and satisfying. Also, cohabiting couples keep their separate course in life and share some resources. This isn’t likely to change over time – even if they do eventually get married. It’s like two vertical, parallel lines. In a marriage, everything is on the table, and everything is shared. The couple’s lives are intertwined and resemble two lines that meet each other and continue as one line.

But there are a few things that go on before you tie the knot. Engagements and wedding planning! Even when you’re engaged to the love of your life, it’s still important to date each other and establish patterns that you want to take into your marriage. Next, is planning the big day! I have always loved weddings since I was a little girl and would often dress as a bride and hold a bouquet of flowers in my hands. My excitement to plan my wedding has only increased since then. But I was a little dismayed to find out how much a wedding costs. As of 2009, the average wedding cost $27,000. As a poor college student, I’m thinking about how many tacos from Café Rio that can buy. A wedding does not have to cost that much. Who pays for that anyways? Bride’s parent’s, loans, credit cards, the combined incomes of the engaged couple? All of the above? Let’s talk about the downsides to these. Problems with the bride’s parents paying for the wedding: parents might have the idea that the couple “owes them” because of everything they spent on the wedding instead of other things: Christmas at their house, grandkids at their house and so on. Loans and credit cards are obviously bad, and you should not start a marriage with a huge amount of financial debt because of one day. And the combining the incomes of the couple is a bit unrealistic for most people, seeing  how $27,000 is a lot to come up with in your twenties and thirties. All of these things create a strain on relationships – and it’s completely unnecessary. If you have a small budget, use it to the best of your ability. Is a wedding that is way out of your budget really necessary for your happiness? The purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the union of two families and present yourself and your spouse to the community as a married couple. So, these are just some things to think about if you’re planning a wedding in the future.